Threat of al Berta Casts a Long Shadow Over Canadian Election(I've been advised to explain that Alberta is a mid-sized province in Western Canada, many albertans would like to have more say in the Canadian elctoral landscape which leans heavily towards french socialists from the eastern parts. Alberta has no ties to al Qaeda that I know of.) An American friend asked me about the upcoming election, he was concerned about the increasing role of al Berta in Canadian politics. I tried to calm him, but he had unearthed some alarming information: Members of al Berta are suspected to have the largest arsenal of small firearms in the country. An attempt by the national government to disarm al Berta through legislation, wound up costing a billion dollars and generated much hostility -- even playing a part in the downfall of the regime. al Berta is in control of over 650 000 square kilometres of territory, 100 000 more than Saddam Hussien at the height of his power. Much of the territory is oil-rich desert, allowing the organization to finance its endeavours. Leading operatives from al Berta have conducted talks with South Korea. At least one functioning nuclear reactor is thought to be under al Berta's control. Claiming that it is a research reactor, they have located it in a heavily populated area. Membership in al Berta has been growing at an alarming rate, with over 50 000 new recruits in the last year alone. According the Statistics Canada, an alarming 17 000 of these new members were foreign recruits. al Berta has been actively recruiting scientists from countries around the world. al Berta operatives have infiltrated the highest levels of government: a suspected al Berta operative was able to seize control of the Prime Minister's Office for a brief period in 1979. Despite the fact that the financial power of al Berta is largely located in the northern wastelands around ed Monton, they have establish a forward base at cal Gary, within striking distance of the United States. My friend was clearly alarmed, and alarmed Americans alarm me, but he relaxed when I told him that Canadian and allied pilots have been practising bombing al Berta since World War II and the Canadian Forces have stationed an entire brigade deep within al Bertan territory. In short, I assured him, there is no country better equiped to face the threat of al Berta than the Canada of the 21st century. Please don't invade. A brief history of al Bertan extremism:al Berta was orignially funded by the Canadian government in 1905 as means countering expanding American influence in that part of the world. Dormant for much of its history, al Berta has recently taken focus as many believe that the current government is unfairly dominated by the French Catholic minority. Al Berta has long been a hotbed of conservatism. An attempt at Reform started in 1987 and gathered momentum but was later taken over by the northern Alliance which captured a significant portion of the country. The conservative leadership was nonethelss able to hold on to its stronghold in central cal Gary. The Alliance fell under the sway of a charismatic preacher and control was taken from the reformers. However this leadership was unable to take enough ground from the socialist parties in teh east to justify their control, and the final blow was delivered when communist forces attacked the leadership with chocolate milk, in what has been termed the Alliance's Waterloo. Shortly thereafter, the Alliance fell apart due to infighting, and remnants of their forces were swallowed up by the conservatives which have been invited to participate in the electoral process. |
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